Happy 21st Birthday Joe

 Love & miss you with all my Heart xxxxxxxx 

Your heart broken MUM xxxxx

             

BEAUTIFULL BUTTERFLY

There once was a waterbug who lived in a deep pond with hundreds of other waterbugs, all of them busy daily with their usual chores and errands... and every day one of these waterbugs would climb up the stem of a water lily, up..up..up.. till it would reach a lily pad and then "poof", disappear..and never return to the rest of the waterbugs. Well, every day this waterbug would watch these mates climb up this stem and he would wonder, "Where are they going...and why do they never return?" "What is it like up there?" Some of the other bugs would reply that they had no idea, they just always wondered. So the waterbug replied "Well, if I ever decide to climb up there, I promise I will return, and I will tell you all what it is like up there." Well the day finally came that this waterbug was to have its turn up the stem of the lily pad, and up he went. When he reached the top of the lily pad he was amazed, it was such a beautiful place, lush with greenery and fragrant flowers, and wonderful warm, bright sunlight, and the melody of chirping birds and a wonderful sense of peace...then all of a sudden, he felt a change come over him. He began to develop wings like a beautiful butterfly, and he fluttered them in the warm breeze and began to fly around and explore this beautiful new surrounding. He met up with other butterflies, that he now recognized as mates that were once waterbugs, too! He flew for hours, darting in and out of flower gardens,it was a glorious place and he was in awe of it all. After a while he grew tired and fluttered back to the same lily pad. He looked down into the water below and could see his whole colony just busy as usual, running errands and chores. He tried to get their attention, fluttering his wings, but not one payed attention to him. Then he remembered his promise. But he realized now why none of the other waterbugs ever returned. As a butterfly he could not enter the water and nor would he want to, because this place was paradise. But he knew that eventually every one of those waterbugs would have their turn up the stem of that waterlily, and they too would gain their wings, and they too would be here in this paradise and never want to return to that dark place of worry and chores and errands.....and such is life....and such is death

 

             

 
          




JOE loved to party 

      This memorial site was created in loving memory of Joe Louis Knowles born December 16th 1987, Passed away April 29th 2005. Joe will never be forgotten, loved & missed so much.
Joe was killed in a forklift truck accident,
He never meant to leave us, Joe loved life & lived it to the full in his seventeen years.
Joe is the youngest one of three.
My children are my life.

It's So Hard To Live When Your Child Has To Die,
For Then We Spend Our Lifetime
Trying To Say Goodbye!



 



My Beautiful Baby Boy JOE LOUIS KNOWLES xxxxx
I love you with all my heart Joey 
Mum & Theresa please take good care of him for me, I so want my son back  xxx Your heart broken Mum xxxx


A Mothers Pain 

You see me smiling.
What you don't see is that I am screaming behind that smile.
You see me go on with everything....work....groceries.....life in general.
What you don't see is that it takes every ounce of energy 
I have just to breathe.
You see me alone with my thoughts.
What you don't see is me talking to Him
You see me say "I am fine".
What you don't see is the huge hole in my heart that can never be filled.
You see me and think "she's back to normal".
What you don't see is that there is no normal for me anymore.
You see me and think "Oh my God I hope this never happens to me"
What you don't see is that as much as I long for you to
 understand me... I hope this never happens to you either.
You see me joking and laughing with others and think she
 must be gettin over what has happened.
What you don't see is that I can never forget, nor would I want to,
 you don't get over the loss of a child.
You see me sad and don't know what to say so you keep going.
What you don't see is all I really want is for you to ask how 
I am doing, really, and give me a hug.
You see that life goes on.
What you don't see is on April 29th,2005 that the life I had will 
never be the same .
You see that I am strong...... do not be deceived.
What you don't see is that I am weak and weary. somedays "I am 6 feet from the edge".
What you see is a mask....a lie. The mask helps you cope with me
and me cope with myself.
What you don't see is the raw sometimes unbearable pain. 
You don't see me being unable to breathe.
What you don't see is my despair. You don't see me screaming to 
heaven for God to give my son back.
What you don't see you could never understand anyway unless you 
walk a mile in my shoes.... God Forbid.





Me Jay & Keeley 
We love & miss you so much Joey 
there will always be a part of me missing
Your heart broken Mum xxxx


What is "Normal" After One Year?

Normal is having tears waiting behind every smile when you realize someone important is missing from all the important events in your family's life.
Normal for me is trying to decide what to take to the crematorium for Birthdays, Christmas,  New Years, Valentine's Day, April 29th and Easter.
Normal is feeling like you know how to act and are more comfortable with a funeral than a wedding or birthday party & yet feeling a stab of pain in your heart when you smell the flowers and see the casket.
Normal is feeling like you can't sit another minute without getting up and screaming, because you just don't like to sit through anything.
Normal is not sleeping very well because a thousand what if's & why didn't I's go through your head constantly.
Normal is reliving the accident continuously through your eyes and mind, holding your head to make it go away.
Normal is having the TV on the minute I walk into the house to have noise, because the silence is deafening.
Normal is staring at every boy who looks like he is Joe's age. And then thinking of the age he would be now and not being able to imagine it. Then wondering why it is even important to imagine it, because it will never happen.
Normal is every happy event in my life always being backed up with sadness lurking close behind, because of the hole in my heart.
Normal is telling the story of your childs death as if it were an everyday, commonplace activity, and then seeing the horror in someone's eyes at how awful it sounds. And yet realizing it has become a part of my "normal".
Normal is each year coming up with the difficult task of how to honor your childs memory and their birthdays and survive these days. And trying to find the balloon or flag that fit's the occasion. Happy Birthday? Not really.
Normal is my heart warming and yet sinking at the sight of something special Joey loved. Thinking how he would love it, but how he is not here to enjoy it.
Normal is having some people afraid to mention my Joe,
Normal is making sure that others remember him,
Normal is after the funeral is over everyone else goes on with their lives, but we continue to grieve our loss forever.
Normal is weeks, months, and years after the initial shock, the grieving gets worse, not better.
Normal is not listening to people compare anything in their life to this loss, unless they too have
lost a child. NOTHING. Even if your child is in the remotest part of the earth away from you - it doesn't compare. Losing a parent is horrible, but having to bury your own child is unnatural.
Normal is taking pills, and trying not to cry all day, because I know my mental health depends on it.
Normal is realizing I do cry everyday.
Normal is disliking jokes about death or funerals and bodies being referred to as cadavers when you know they were once someone's loved one.
Normal is being impatient with everything and everyone
but someone stricken with grief over the loss of your child.
Normal is sitting at the computer crying, sharing how you feel with chat buddies who have also lost a child.
Normal is feeling a common bond with friends on the computer in England, Australia, Canada,
the Netherlands and all over the USA but yet never having met any of them face to face.
Normal is a new friendship with another grieving mother, talking and crying together over our children and our new lives.
Normal is not listening to people make excuses for God. "God may have done this because
I love God, I know that Joe is in heaven, but hearing people trying to think up excuses as to why my seventeen year old son was taken from this earth is not appreciated and makes absolutely no sense to this grieving mother.
Normal is being too tired to care if you paid the bills, cleaned the house, did laundry or if there is any food.
Normal is wondering this time whether you are going to say you have two children or three children, because you will never see this person again and it is not worth explaining that Joe is in heaven. And yet when you say you have two children to avoid that problem, you feel horrible as if you have betrayed your child.
Normal is asking God why he took your childs life instead of yours and asking if there even is a God.
Normal is knowing I will never get over this loss, in a day or a million years.
And last of all...
Normal is hiding all the things that have become "normal" for me to feel, so that everyone around you can not see your pain.

love you so much my Son. Joe Louis Knowles 


Some flowers left on Joe's anniversary xxx







Just some of Joes birthday tributes

I love this picture Joe.... How cute xxxx

Sunny days seem to hurt the most Joe
I wear the pain like a heavy coat.
I feel you everywhere I go.
I see your smile, I see your face,
I hear you laughin` in the rain.
I still can`t believe you`re gone Joe
It isn`t fair: you died too young,
Like the story that had just begun,
But death tore the pages all away.
God knows how I miss you Joe
All the hell I`ve been through,
Just knowing no-one could take your place.
An` sometimes I wonder

Would you see the world?  Would you chase your dreams?
Settle down with a family,
I wonder what would you name your babies?
Some days the sky`s so blue,
I feel like I can talk to you Joe
An` I know it might sound crazy.

It isn`t fair: you died too young Joe
Like the story that had just begun,
But death tore the pages all away.
God knows how I miss you Joe
All the hell I`ve been through,
Just knowing no-one could take your place.
An` sometimes I wonder,
Who you`d be today?

Sunny days seem to hurt the most.
I wear the pain like a heavy coat.
The only thing that gives me hope,
Is I know I`ll see you again some day.

Some day, some day, some day.

My Mum Is A Survivor

My Mum is a survivor,
or so I've heard it said ,
But I can hear her crying at night
when all others are in bed.

I watch her lay awake at night
and go to hold her hand.
She doesn't know I'm with her
to help her understand.

But like the sands on the Beach
they never wash away...
I watch over my surviving Mum,
who thinks of me each day.

She wears a smile for others....
a smile of disguise!
But through Heaven's door I see
tears flowing from her eyes.

My Mum tries to cope with death
to keep my memory alive.
But anyone who knows her knows
it is her way to survive.

I know that doesn't help her...
or ease the burden she bears.
So if you get a chance,go visit her...
and show her that you care.

For no matter what she says...
no matter what she feels...
My surviving Mum has a broken heart
that time won't ever heal



xThe day i gave birth to Joe


   On the 16th of december 1987 i gave birth to my third child a beutiful baby boy JOE LOUIS KNOWLES i was only in labour for two hours and when i looked at my baby boy i was so happy. Joe was a chubby little baby weighing in at 8lb 1/2 oz and i felt my life was complete, I had an older son Jay and a daughter Keeley and Joe made my life complete, my children are my life as they were all i ever wanted, Joe grew up to be such a handsome young man with a body most men would die for Joe had so much energy and a true zest for life, he loved to party and spend time with his friends and family. Joe has a girlfriend who he loves dearly and at only sixteen she is going through so much pain that some people never experiance in life. Joe always looked out for people when in times of trouble always smiling and singing at the top of his voice. Joe had just left school and got his first job he looked forward to fridays when he could go out and spend his wages. im truly lost without my Joe and miss him so much if only he had'nt gone to work that day he would still be here with me. i love my Joe so much a part of me went with Joe on that terrible day and will never be replaced. i know Joe is being looked after by my mum my sister and my nan and also Rob but it should be me taking care of him as he is my beautiful baby boy JOE LOUIS KNOWLES. i love you Joe! mum xxx



Losing Joe has left a huge hole in our hearts.

 Joes brother & sister have made there own website please feel free to visit. www.mylittlebrojoeknowles.piczo.com

Some of the flowers from friends & family who love Joe, there were over 140 wreaths




Joe loved his girlfriend Megan very much xxx





A life so young

Released to heaven...

Left from earth we wonder "why?"

But some are sent among us briefly...

Some have spirits meant to fly.

You are being remembered... every single day.

If I knew it would be the last time
that I'd see you fall asleep,
I would tuck you in more tightly
and pray the Lord, your soul to keep.

If I knew it would be the last time
that I see you walk out the door,
I would give you a hug and kiss
and call you back for one more.

If I knew it would be the last time
I'd hear your voice lifted up in praise,
I would video tape each action and word,
so I could play them back day after day.

If I knew it would be the last time,
I would spare an extra minute or two
to stop and say "I love you,"
instead of assuming you would know I do.

If I knew it would be the last time
I would be there to share your day,
Well I'm sure you'll have so many more,
so I can let just this one slip away.

For surely there's always tomorrow
to make up for an oversight,
and we always get a second chance
to make everything right.

There will always be another day
to say our "I love you's,"
and certainly there's another chance
to say our "Anything I can do's?"

But just in case I might be wrong,
and today is all I get,
I'd like to say how much I love you
and I hope we never forget,
tomorrow is not promised to anyone,
young or old alike.
And today may be the last chance you get
to hold your loved one tight.

So if you're waiting for tomorrow,
why not do it today?
For if tomorrow never comes,
you'll surely regret the day
that you didn't take that extra time
for a smile, a hug, or a kiss,
and you were too busy to grant someone,
what turned out to be their one last wish.

So hold your loved ones close today,
whisper in their ear,
tell them how much you love them
and that you'll always hold them dear.

Take time to say "I'm sorry,"
"please forgive me," "thank you," or "it's okay."
And if tomorrow never comes,
you'll have no regrets about today.




MY DREAM LAST NIGHT
 
 Last night while I was trying to sleep,
My son's voice I did hear.
I opened my eyes and looked around
But he did not appear.
He said, "Mom you've got to listen,
You've got to understand.
God didn't take me from you, Mom
He only took my hand.
When I called out in pain that day
The instant that I died,
He reached down and took my hand,
And pulled me to His side.
He pulled me up and saved me
From the misery and pain
My body was hurt so badly inside,
I could never be the same.
My search is really over now,
I've found happiness within,
All the answers to my empty dreams
And all that might have been.
I love you and miss you so,
And I'll always be nearby.
My body's gone forever,
But my spirit will never die!
And so, you must go now,
Live one day at a time.
Just understand
God did not take me from you,
He only took my hand.

My Love For You Joe Will Never Die

My love is with you Oh, sweet son, what can I say?
My heart is empty without you each day.
The angel wings you wear must be so grand,
If only I could reach out and touch your hand.
Maybe then we could say good-bye
Which could help dry the tears that I cry.
Now I know that's impossible for us to do,
So let's make a deal, just me and you.
When I look to the stars at night,
You look for me with all your might.
When you see me just shine real bright,
And together we can send our love and say good night.
I miss you, son, more every day,
And the emptiness I feel will not go away.
You are my son and will always be,
My angel in heaven looking down on me.
You will live in my heart,
And I will try to be strong,
Because, my son, in my heart is where you belong.
I love you, Joe, sleep well, my son.


This picture of me was placed in Joes hand & went with him. I love you more than life itself Joe & don't think i will ever be happy again. My beautiful baby boy JOE LOUIS KNOWLESx

Special Corner

I have a special corner
To sit and quietly think
Of what I have and what I want
Of broken dreams and what I've lost

Your photos looked at daily
I hold and smell your clothes
I cry and think of how things are
And how it should have been

How I hurt all over
From the emptiness that grows
From the numbness and heartache
The overwhelming loss

I will sit again tomorrow
I wonder what the day will bring
The day I'll smile is what I hope
A smile is a rare thing 

I miss you so badly Joe xxxxx


On the day God took you
I thought I would die
I wondered where the time went?
I asked a lot of whys?
With people all around me
I felt alone inside
From all their words of comfort,
I couldn't seem to hide.
I thought I might be dreaming
That I'd wake and find you here,
I thought "This can't be happening,"
As I wiped another tear.
On the day that you were laid to rest
My heart broke yet again,
I wondered if the pain would end
But mostly, I wondered when??
It's hard to be without you
At times the days seem long,
Sometimes I just sit crying,
When there's nothing really wrong.
I wish we'd had more time,
Before your life was done.
I hope you're resting peacefully,
My precious one, My Son.


Joe with his cousin Megs & Chloe xxx

My Darling son Joe i will shed a tear till the day i die & i am reunited with you.xxxx Your Heart Broken Mum xx

"You don't get over it,
you just get through it.
You don't get by it,
because you can't get around it.
It doesn't 'get better';
it just gets different.
Every day... Grief puts on a
new face..."

Joes Nan who is taking good care of Joe in heaven for me
I love you mum xxx

Joe Louis Knowles
Son Of
Kelly  Leigh Baldry
Anthony John Knowles
Brother of
Jay Anthony Knowles
Keeley Jade Knowles 
Half sister
Hannah Knowles

Joe's brother jay, Dad & sister Keeley
at Joes garden
We Love You Joe xxxx

Bereaved Parents Wish List

 I wish my child hadn't died. I wish  I had him back.
Y
I wish you wouldn't be afraid to speak my child's name. My child
lived and was very important to me. I need to hear that he was
important to you also.
Y
If I cry and get emotional when you talk about my child, I wish you
knew that it isn't because you have hurt me. My child's death is the
cause of my tears. You have talked about my child and you have
allowed me to share my grief. I thank you for both.
Y
Being a bereaved parent is not contagious, so I wish you wouldn't
shy away from me. I need you now more than ever.
Y
I need diversions, so I do want to hear about you, but I also want
you to hear about me. I might be sad and I might cry, but I wish you
would let me talk about my child; my favorite topic of the day
Y
I know that you think of and pray for me often. I also know that my
child's death pains you too. I wish you would let me know these
things through a phone call, a card or note, or a real big hug.
Y
I wish you wouldn't expect my grief to be over. These first years
are traumatic for me, but I wish you could understand that my grief
will never be over. I will suffer the death of my child until the day
I die.
Y
I am working hard in my recovery, but I wish you could understand
that I will never fully recover. I will always miss my child and I
will always grieve that he is dead.
Y
I wish you wouldn't expect me "not to think about it" or "be
happy". Neither will happen for a very long time, so don't frustrate
yourself.
Y
I don't want to have a "Pity party", but I do wish you would let me
grieve. I must hurt before I can heal.
Y
I wish you understood how my life has shattered. I know it is
miserable for you to be around me when I'm feeling miserable. Please
be as patient with me as I am with you.
Y
When I say, "I'm doing okay", I wish you could understand that I
don't "feel" okay and that I struggle daily.
Y
I wish you knew that all of the grief reactions I'm having are very
normal. Depression, anger, hopelessness and overwhelming sadness are
all to be expected. So please excuse me when I'm quiet and withdrawn
or irritable and cranky.
Y
Your advice to "take it one day at a time" is excellent advice.
However, a day is too much and too fast for me right now. I wish you
could understand that I'm doing good to handle an hour at a time.
Y
Please excuse me if I seem rude, certainly not my intent. Sometimes
the world around me goes too fast and I need to get off. When I walk
away, I wish you would let me find a quiet place to spend time alone.
I wish you understood that grief changes people. When my child died,
a big part of me died with him. I am not the same person I was
before my child died and I will never be that person again.
Y
I wish very much that you could understand ~ understand my loss and
my grief. But, I pray daily that you will never understand.
YYYYYYYYYYYY


We little knew that morning,
God was going to call your name,
In life we loved you dearly,
In death we do the same.
It broke our hearts to lose you,
You did not go alone,
For part of us went with you
The day God called you home.
You left us beautiful memories,
Your love is still our guide,
And though we cannot see you,
You are always at our side.
Our family chain is broken,
And nothing seems the same,
But as God calls us one by one,
The chain will link again.



I'm trying to be brave, my son
I'm trying not to hide
But I'm frightened of the pain, my son
When my heart breaks open wide.

I know you're in my heart, my son
I know love cannot die
But I'm frightened now you're gone , my son
Who'll hold me when I cry.

I'll always have those years, my son
I'll treasure every day
But I'm  frightened of a world, my son
Where you no longer stay.

You'll always be my child, my son
You'll always be my son
But I'm frightened of this truth, my son
That you are forever gone.





You were so full of life Joe
Always smiling and carefree,
Life loved you being a part of it,
And I loved you being a part of me.

You could make anyone laugh Joe,
If they were having a bad day,
No matter how sad I was,
You could take the hurt away.
Nothing could every stop you Joe
Or even make you fall,
You were ready to take on the world Joe
Ready to do it all.
But God decided he needed you,
So from this world you left,
But you took a piece of all of us,
Our hearts are what you kept.

Your bed is now empty Joe
And it's hard not to see your face,
But please always know this Joe
No one will ever take your place.

You left without a warning Joe
Not even saying good-bye,
And I can't seem to stop,
Asking the question why?
Nothing will ever be the same Joe
The house is empty without your laughter,
But I know you're in Heaven Joe
Watching over us and looking after us.
I didn't see this coming Joe
It hit me by surprise,
And when you left this world Joe
A small part of me died.
Your smile could brighten anyone's day Joe
No matter what they were going through,
And I know everyday for the rest of my life Joe
I'll be missing you.
You are remembered everyday Joe xx


* My special window *



I stare out my window talking to the air.

has my son really gone, or standing by

 somewhere.

I have to just have faith in the man above,

that he took my son with him & will give

him all his love.

I say things like; "Hello Joe, how are you

today?"

I feel like I said this to him, just the other

day.

Other things like; "I miss you son" I cry a

little then.

The tears roll down on my cheeks,

because I lost my very best friend.

I look out of this window and stare up at

the sky.

I close my eye's and say to the lord, why did
you take

this little guy?

A voice so soft and gentle says; "this is not

the end".

For him it's just the beginning, he also is my

 friend!

When I think about you gone son, it breaks

my heart in two,

But I know god had to take you back, he

had many things

for you to do.

You need to go sit by his side & make
 
decisions of this place.

that makes me proud of you, and puts a

smile on my face.

I stand back and look at this window, that I
look out everyday.

It gives me a place I can go to, when my

mind has gone astray.

I think about you often, I miss you so much

my son.

And I know I'll think about you once again,

 before my day is done.   your heart broken
 
Mum & Dad xxxx




  

      I Look Back The Day You Went Away.
 
It Broke My Heart, No Words I Could Say.

Just Tears From The Pain I Felt. I Think Of

The Wonderful Memories We Had, Makes My

Heart Melt.

The "I Love You Mum"I Will Never Hear

Again. It Hurts So Much Inside, The Tears

Begin.

They Flow Like A River, A River To A Sea.

Thats Just How Much Joe,You Do Mean To

Me.

That Look That You Gave, That Smile;

That Grin. One I Will Never See From You

 Again "my Son"

You Were Unique Since The Day That You

Were Born, Now That Your Gone,

My Life Will Never Be The Same.

I Must Understand That The Lord Has Many

Things For You to Do.

I Want You To Know Joe, I'll Always Love

You.
 I Look At Your Picture, I Hold It So Tight.
 
I Wonder How I Will Make It Without You

Just One More Night.

I Will Try To Hold Together,

And Cherish The Memories That We Had.

Theres One Other Thing Joe, "I'm Proud To

Be Your MUM" xx

 


Do believe I'll never leave you:

Always I'll be in your heart.

Don't forget my soul is near you,

And so we'll never be apart



An unfinished life  

In the stillness of the night

I sit in the garden

look at the stars

I wonder where you are.

The house seems so empty

devoid of all life and soul

since youve been gone

Theres an ache in my heart

and despair in my soul

I miss you my son

more than words can ever say

Every morning

when I open my eyes

every night

when I close my eyes

You are in my thoughts...

throughout the rest of the day

This is so hard to live with

At times I want to give up

Every day is a struggle

To live without you 

Your life ended
 
before it began

I would give my life for yours

any time, without a thought

I cry silent tears for you

For us
I send silent prayers to God

to take care of you

and love you

as much as I did

Until we are reunited

God has given us strength

Throughout the dark days

He didnt let you suffer..but

I find it hard to forgive Him

For taking you away

An unfinished life

Is what He has left behind

A lifetime of sorrow

in our hearts



I have lost a life - not my own.
But it would have been easier
to have lost my own life
than to have lost
the life I loved more than my own 


On December 16th, 1987,
God gave me a very special gift.
To love and to cherish and protect him from harm, 
to enjoy for his lifetime, his very special charm.
But who could have known, his life would be so brief,
and I'd be left behind, drowning in my grief.
God has given me hope, for a wonderful rebirth,
that will take place when I'm no longer of this earth.
My Son you've gone on ahead of me,
your earthly job was done,
Someday we'll be together again, reunited as one.
Until that day is finally here, my Son I must say,
I love you, miss you and think of you,
Each and Every day.
Love,
Mom xxx




Joe Keeley & Jay




JOEY & LITTLE COUSIN MIA xx

MY HANDSOME BOY JOE xxx











 

 
You asked, "How am I doing?"

As I told you, tears came to my eyes...

and you looked away and quickly

began to talk again.

All the attention you had given me

drained away.

"How am I doing?" I do better

when people listen,

though I may shed a tear or two.

This pain is indescribable.

If you've never known it you cannot

fully understand.

Yet I need you.

When you look away,

When I'm ignored,

I am again alone with it

Your attention means more than you

can ever know.

My life without you Joe is no life for me,

I long to hold you & tell you how much i love & miss you.

Can't wait for the day i meet you again, i will never

 let you go.

Your Heart Broken Mum xxx

JOE & FRIEND AJ XX

JOE SHOWING OFF HIS MUSCLES & COUSIN DYLAN xx



JOES FLOWERS FROM ALL THOSE WHO LOVE HIM xxx

A POEM FROM MEGAN XXX
 
How are you gone?

I really do not understand,

I wish you were still here,

So you could hold my hand.

I look at a picture of you,

And a pain strikes my heart,

I wish that I could hug you,

So I would not fall apart.

It has not fully hit me yet,

That you are truly gone,

I refuse to believe it,

I try to be strong.

I know you would not want me to cry,

But I can not hold back the tears,

I release all of the memories,

That I hold for you from over the years.

I can not stop the hurt,

That I hold for you so deep inside,

At your funeral at the church,

I broke down and cried.


I miss you so much,

And I can not believe you are gone,

It can not be forever,

But somehow I know I am wrong.


The despair I feel for you,

It far too much to bare,

And when I go to your house,

I still expect you to be there.


When I reach your bedroom,

I can still see you in your bed,

And when I feel like breaking down,

I have to hold back the tears instead.


When I hold the ring you brought  me,

I close my eyes and think of you,

I can hear your voice,

I wonder if you can hear mine too.

And your death is hurting me,

Because you are gone and I do not

understand,
And everyday that I live with out you,

I wish you were still here to hold my hand.

megan xxx



Pain and Grieving

When you hear me laugh one moment

in time,

Do you think...Oh great! she seems just

 fine.

The smiles you see, don’t reach my

eyes....

Nor do you hear my silent anguished

cries.

My heart is breaking, can’t you see....

Without my sweet child here with me.


My heart and soul have taken a big

hit....
Yet some loved ones tell me, "get over

it."

Each new day is an emotional strain....

I pray none of them experience this
 
pain.

Only another parent that is grieving

 too,

Can understand what I am going

 through.

My precious child has died...that is

true,
But why must I hide this pain from

you?


"Death leaves a heartache no one can heal....Love

leaves a memory no one can steal."

Mom, please don’t feel guilty

It was just my time to go.

I see you are still feeling sad,

And the tears just seem to flow.

We all come to earth for our lifetime,

And for some it’s not many years

I don’t want you to keep crying

You are shedding so many tears.

I haven’t really left you

Even though it may seem so.

I have just gone to my heavenly home,

And I’m closer to you than you know.

Just believe that when you say my name

I’m standing next to you,

I know you long to see me,

But there’s nothing I can do.

But I’ll still send you messages

And hope you understand,

That when your time comes to “cross over,”

I’ll be there to take your hand.

Really, tears are not a bad sign, you
 
know! 
  
      They're nature's way of helping me

to heal... 
  
      They relieve some of the stress of

 sadness. 

I know you fear that asking how

 I'm doing brings me sadness 
  
       ...but you're wrong. 
 
The memory of my loved one's death

will always be with me,
   
    Only a thought away. 
 
My tears make my pain more visible to
 
you, but you did not 
  
     give me the pain...it was already
 
there. 

When I cry, could it be that you feel

 helpless, not knowing 
  
       what to do? 
 
You are not helpless,
  
And you don't need to do a thing but be

there. 
 
When I feel your permission to allow
 
my tears to flow, 
  
       you've helped me 
 
You need not speak.  Your silence as I

cry is all I need.

   
      Be patient...do not fear.
  
Listening with your heart to "how I

 am doing" 
  
     relieves the pain,
   
     for when the tears can freely come

 and go, I feel lighter. 
Talking to you releases what I've been

wanting to say aloud, 
  
      clearing space  
 
            for a touch of joy in my life.

I'll cry for a  minute or two... 
  
      and then I'll wipe my eyes, 
  
           and sometimes you'll even find

 I'm laughing later
When I hold back the tears, my throat


 grows tight, 
  
       my chest aches, my stomach
 
knots... 
  
           because I'm trying to protect you

 from my tears.
  
Then we both hurt...me, because my

pain is held inside, 
  
     a shield against our closeness...and

 you, 
  
         because suddenly we're

distant.
  
So please, take my hand and see me

through my tears... 
  
         then we can be close again. 


"WHAT DID I DO WRONG"

What did I do that went so wrong,

I tried to teach you to be wise and
 
strong.

I looked forward to seeing you with

 family and home,

I didn't know it would be earth and

 stone.

I'll never see you walk down that aisle,

I'll never again see that wonderful

 smile.

My heart is breaking that much I can

say,

I can't wait to see you on some distant

day.

I am no longer afraid of dying,

Sometimes I think it's better than

crying.

Our dear, Joe one day we will be

 together,

And we will remain like that forever and

ever. 

I love you with all my heart Joe xxx



I Carry Your Heart With Me Joe xxx

I am never without it, anywhere I go

 you go, my son,

And whatever is done by only me, is

your doing, my darling


fear no fate, for you are my fate, my
 
son

I want no world, for Joe you are my

world, my son

And you are whatever a moon has

always been 

And whatever a sun will always sing is

you

Here is the deepest secret nobody

knows 

Here is the root of the root and the bud
 
of the bud

And the sky of the sky of a tree called
 
life;

Which grows higher than the soul can
 
hope or mind can hide
And this is the wonder that is keeping

 the stars apart:

I carry your heart with me; I carry it in

my heart


My Darling Joe xx




There's a special angel in Heaven,

That is a part of me.

It is not where I wanted him,

But where God wanted him to be.

he was here for just a moment,

Like a night time shooting star.

And though he is in Heaven

he isn't very far.

He touched the hearts of many,

Like only Joe could do.

I would've held him every minute,

If the end I only knew.

So I send this special message,

To Heaven up above.

Please take care of my Joe,

And send him all my love!

A Child that loses a parent is an orphan.

A man that loses his wife is a widower.

A woman that loses her husband is a widow.

There is no name for a parent that loses a

child.
There is no word to describe the pain.





An empty chair

An uncalled name,

This time of the day will never be the same

The room seems full

Just missing one

But oh, how a single boy so young

Can leave a hole

Much more than space

More than a gentle smiling face

More than a voice

Deep and clear

Which daily told me he was here

More than a name on a monochrome list

If only he knew how much he is missed

How many stories

His friends retell

Keeping alive his magic spell

My lasting memory

Is his sheepish grin

Revealing the caring nature within

Hearing excuses

Of every kind

For why his diary isn't signed

We miss you Joe

Now all that's clear

Is an uncalled name

And an empty chair.

I LOVE YOU JOE WITH ALL MY HEART
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

I wish u were here Joe

to wipe away my tears.

i cry everytime

from memories and pictures

forever and a day

i treasure ur face

i see u in my dreams

Plus memories and pictures

if i only had the chance

to lend a helping hand.

a part of me believes

we wouldnt need memories and

 pictures

i wonder in curiosity

try not to let it bother me

but its hard cause all i have

is memories and pictures

and if u wonder why ill hold
 
and never let go

of memories and pictures,

its because im sad and i miss you Joe

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


A MESSAGE FOR ALL MY FAMILY

I AM THE LIGHT

A Shadow of joy flickered in the light

I told you I wouldn't leave.

My spirit is with you,

My memories, my thoughts are imbedded

deep in your heart

I still love you.
Do not for one moment think that you have

 been abandoned.

I am in the Light
In the corner, in the hall, the car, the yard
- these are the places I stay with you

My spirit rises every time you pray for me,

but my energy comes closer to you
Love does not diminish, it grows stronger.
I am the feather that finds you in the yard,

 the dimmed light that grows brighter in your
mind,I place our memories for you to see.

We lived in our special way, a way that now

 has its focus changed.
I still crave your understanding and long for

 the many words of prayer and good fortune
 for my soul
I am in the Light
As you struggle to adjust without me, I
watch silently.
Sometimes I summon up all the strength of
my new world to make you notice me,
Impressed by your grief, I try to impress
 my love deeper into your consciousness.
As you should, I call out to the Heavens for
 help.
You should know that the fountain of youth
 does exist.
My soul is now healthy,
I am with you and I am in the Light.
Please don't feel bad that you can't see me.
I am with you wherever you go.
I protect you, just as you protected me so
many times.
Talk to me and some how I will find a way to
 answer you.

Mother, Father, son or daughter it makes no
difference.
Brother, sister, lover, husband or wife, it
makes no difference.
Whatever our connection - friend or even foe
 - I see you with my new eyes.
I am learning to help wherever you are,
 wherever I am needed.
This can be done because I am in the Light.
When you feel despair, reach out to me. I
will come.
My love for you truly does transcend from
 Heaven to Earth.
Finish your life with the enthusiasm and zest
 that you had when we were together in the 
physical sense
You owe this to me, but more importantly,
you owe it to yourself
Life continues for All of us.
I am with you because I love you and I am in
 the Light.

I LOVE YOU ALL Xxx

The brightest star in the sky!!

BRIGHT STAR

The sky has a bright star,

Brighter then all the others by far

I can see it night or day,

I know it's you, showing me my way.

Helping me travel through my grief

It doesn't matter what others say,

it IS you that's my belief.

Keep shining bright for me my son,

Until my time on earth is done.

Then you can meet me at heavens door,

and I will hold you in my arms once more.

The sky has a bright star,

Brighter then all the others by far.


Memories Keep Those We Love

Close To Us Forever

Although words seem to say so little,

i hope they help in some small way

to ease the sense of loss

that your experiencing today.

Hold fast to your memories,
 
to all of the cherished moments

of the past,

to the blessings and the laughter,

the joys and the celebrations,

the sorrow and the tears.

They all add up to a treasure

of fond yesterdays

that you shared and spent together,

and they keep the one you loved

close to you in spirit and thought.

The special moments

and memories in your life

will never change.

They will always be in your heart,

today and forevermore.


My Darling Son Joe you will remain in my

heart forever for you are my life xxxx

MUM


Ask My Mum How Is She

 My Mum, she tells a lot of lies

 She never did before.

 From now until the day she dies.

 She'll tell a whole lot more.

 She used to tell the truth, a lot

 But now it doesn't matter.

 I died and went to heaven,

 Her life is all a-shatter.

 Ask my Mum how is she.

 She'll say, "Yes, I'm fine!"

 She wants to beg "Please help me.

 I can't find that boy of mine!"

 Ask my Mum, how is she,

 She'll say, "I'm alright."

 If that's the truth then tell me,

 Why does she cry each night?

 Ask my Mum, how is she,

 She seems to cope so well.

 She didn't have a choice, you see,

 Nor the strength to yell.

 You think you know the feeling,

 But this cannot be.

 For even though you loved me,

 You didn't love as much as she.

She will smile and tell you,

 "It's o.k. God has a plan."

 But she will turn away and cry

 'Cause she just can't understand.

 Tell a joke and she will laugh,

 But she is not o.k.

 She wants to share the joke with me,

 But it will not be today.

 I watch from here, in Heaven.

 Her distress disturbs my peace.

 Will someone please take care of her,

 And thus take care of me?

 "Some day you will feel better."

 "Yes I will." she lies.

 She knows this will not happen,

 Until the day she dies.

 "I was so lucky!

 I had him all those years!"

 (They passed in a minute,

 I shed so many tears.)

 Ask my Mum how is she,

 She'll say, "Thank you. Good."

 She cannot tell you how she feels.

 Oh, how I wish she could.

 Ask my Mum how is she,

 "I'm fine, I'm well, I'm coping."

 For God's sake, Mum, just tell the truth

 Just say your heart is broken.

 Ask my Mum how is she,

 "I'm well, I'm good. And you?"

 I'll shake my head in Heaven.

 It simply isn't true.

 She'll love me all her life.

 I loved her all of mine.

 But if you ask how is she,

 She'll lie and say she's fine.


 Her carnival is over.

 She's stepped off the carousel.

 But, to save you feeling badly,

 She'll say, "Thanks, all is well."

 My Mum, she's not gone mad, yet.

 But, oh so very nearly.

 Don't ask my Mum how is she,

Ask how is she, really.

 I am here in Heaven.

 I cannot hug from here.

 If she lies to you, don't listen.

 Hug her, hold her near.

 On the day we meet again,

 We'll smile and I'll be bold.

 I'll say, "You're lucky to get in here, Mum,

 With all the lies you told!"


 Written by Jo Burr  3 months after losing her 15yr old son, Simon 




Forever Changed*
Can you see the change in me? It may not be

 so obvious to you I participate in family

activities. I attend family reunions.. I help

 plan holiday meals.

You tell me you're glad to see that I don't cry

anymore. But I do cry! When everyone has

gone - when it is safe- the tears fall. I cry in

privacy so my family won't worry. I cry until

I am exhausted and can finally sleep. You

tell me you admire my strength and my

 positive attitude.

But I am not strong, I feel that I have lost

control; and I panic when I think about

tomorrow.... next week.... next year. I go

 about the routine of my job. I complete my

 assigned tasks. I drink coffee and smile.

You tell me you are glad to see I'm "over" the

death of my loved one. But I'm not "over" it.

 If I get overit, I will be the same as before

my loved one died. I will never be the same.

At times I think I am beginning to heal , but

the pain of losing my son who I love so

much has left a permanent scar on my

heart. I visit my friends,

You tell me that you're glad to see I'm

holding up so well. But I'm not holding up

 well. Sometimes I want to lock the door and
 
hide from the world. I spend time with my

friends, I seem calm and collected. I smile

when appropriate. You tell me it's good to

see me back to my "old self" But I will never

be back to my "old self". Death and grief,

have touched my life....

I am forever changed.




Sent to me from A Friend

OH Dear Lord... I have a plea,

I have a friend...her name is Kelly,

She has a need, that only you can

supply,

She needs a rest, all she can do is cry,

You see, you made a choice for her,

That is hard to accept, causing a stir,

Her mind is so fogged with fret and

grief,

Send her your love, give her relief,

comfort her, as only you can do,

With your warm touch and a little
 
peace too,

Surely you know why she's so special
 
to me,

For to me she was sent by her

child...Joey.

From Francessca




My darling son Joey right from the time
 
you started walking at 11 months old

you were a live wire so fearless nothing

frightened you you had a smile that lit

up peoples faces when they were sad.

At about aged 4 you would run and

jump in the swimming pool at the lido

in the deep end with no arm bands on i

would be running round like a headless

chicken up you would come swimming

madly saying its okay mum i can

swim. you were always full of beans

could never sit still for long and as you

got older your heart grew bigger and

bigger always looking out for those you

love your cousins your friends

everyone you just started to live your

life going out with your older brother

and your cousins and friends and boy

you did like to party joe.you grew up to

be such a handsome boy joe with a

body most men work hard for but you

didn,t need to. You truly are a legend

my son the whole of pompey is in

mourning for you, over 500 people

turned up to pay there respects to you

Joey and i am so proud to be your

mum. my life will never be the same

not hearing you walk in the door and

say whats for dinner mum i'm starving

seeing your cheeky grin and you

singing at the top of your voice. you

had just left school and on 29/4/05 you

got up and went to work you would

always phone me at lunch and say

mum bring me down some lunch i'm

hungry but for some strange reason i

phoned you and you said its okay mum

i made some myself today we had

alittle chat and the last words you

said was i will be home early today

mum, you never came home my heart

is broken and will never mend joey

ILOVE YOU SO MUCH JOE, MUM

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Keeley & my Friend Karen in

hawaii 2006


Me & Keeley in Hawaii

We love & miss you so much Joey xxxx


With you I bury my hopes and
dreams for all the days we'll never see.
But I also bury the love in my heart
and the sadness of knowing
that we must part.

And I pray to God to do for you
all the things I would like to do.
And to keep my son safe from harm,
to laugh and frolic in springtime's arms.

For now, everytime I see the sun,
I watch you smile as you run.
Laughing, smiling, running, listening to your music
.... missing you.

My son  is not "dead"

He is only "away" with Jesus.
 
When my time here is finished

and all my work is done,

I shall be with him again,

in God's time frame, not mine

What makes a Mother

I thought of you and closed my eyes

And prayed to God today.

I asked what makes a Mother

And I know I heard him say.

A Mother has a baby

This we know is true.'

But God, can you be a Mother

When your baby's not with you?

Yes, you can, He replied

With confidence in His voice

I give many women babies

When they leave is not their choice.

Some I send for a lifetime

And others for a day.

And some I send to feel your womb

But there's no need to stay.

I just don't understand this, God

I want my baby here

He took a breath and cleared His throat

And then I saw a tear.

I wish I could show you

What your child is doing today.

If you could see your child smile

With other children and say:

"We go to earth to learn our lessons

Of love and life and fear.

My Mum loved me oh so much

I got to come straight here.

I feel so lucky to have a Mom

Who had so much love for me

I learned my lesson very quickly

My Mom set me free.

I miss my Mom oh so much

But I visit her each day.

When she goes to sleep

On her pillow's where I lay.

I stroke her hair and kiss her cheek

And whisper in her ear.

"Mommy don't be sad today

I'm your baby and I'm here."

So you see my dear sweet one

Your children are ok

Your babies are here in My home

And this is where they'll stay.

They'll wait for you with Me

Until your lesson is through.

And on the day that you come home

They'll be at the gates for you.

So now you see what makes a Mother

It's the feeling in your heart.

It's the love you had so much of

Right from the very start.

Though some on earth may not realize

You are a Mother until their time is done.

They'll be up here with Me one day

And you know you're the best one!



I WISH

I Wish you could come back home again

 just for a little while,
 
To see your loving face again,to see

your lovely smile.

To hold you in my arms again,to sit and

talk a while.

To creep into your room at night and see

you  sleeping there.

To walk  along together, Chatting you & me .

Why did you have to go my son ,please

help us understand.

I know what  you are thinking That you

have been set free,

But my daily life is planned for three

kids, I can't get used to two.

I miss you my darling son ,The pain is

still so raw,

I still sit and wait for you,To come

walking through the door.

 I'm asking God for just one thing and

will never ask again,

To let my Joey come back home and stop

this awful pain.


Please hear our cries and pleas dear

Lord, Our worlds' an empty place

We need to see him smile again,We need

to kiss his face. 

The pain that we are suffering can only

be set free,

The day you hug our Joey Knowles  and

send him back to me.


We will always love you Joey, love Mum,

Dad, Jay Keeley & Hannah xx



DAD'S GRIEF 

It must be very difficult,

To be a man in grief,

since men don't cry and men are strong,

No tears can bring relief.

It must be very difficult,

To stand up to the test

And take calls and visitors,

So she can get some rest.

They always ask if she's alright,

And what she's going through

But seldom take his hand and ask,

"My friend,but how are you?"

He hears her crying in the night,

And thinks his heart will break

He dries her tears and comforts her,

But stays strong for her sake.

It must be very difficult,

To start each day anew

And try to be so very brave..

He lost his Son too.


Joey & his Dad
I love you Dad xx

Words simply can't convey Joe
how much I'm missing you
the sun doesn't seem to shine anymore
and the sky's no longer blue.

The ache within my heart Joe
will never go away
it is with me when I wake
and until the end of every day.

And even as I go to sleep
my thoughts are all of you
of the happy times we've shared
that will last my whole life through.

So I just wanted you to know
why I am feeling so much pain
and how i'm longing to see you
and to hold you once again.
MUM xxxxxx